validation

Someone recently told me that they feel like all our relationship was (in not so many words) only giving each other validation for our opinions, thoughts, and feelings. We’ll call her Amelie in case I ever talk about her again.

My immediate thought was, “isn’t that what all relationships are?” A little reactionary, perhaps, but it’s true. The whole point of a relationship (right down to the subatomic level) is to say you are A, and I am B, and I still think A is useful. I find myself in these situations a lot. My style puts people off, they hesitantly acknowledge that I am right or justified, but that they just don’t prefer that method. It’s a cop out for their own comfort level.

And here’s what I have a problem with: I am very upfront with my need for validation. A lot of people use sex, drugs, fighting, and compliments as validation. And we find that all socially acceptable. But when I say say, “hey do you think I am useful?” that is not. Maybe at least not for this person. We’re not talking now. “Taking a breather.” But that’s neither here nor there.