For Whom The Bell Tolls

still fond. still not in love. kinda in love a lot.

working full-time. yep, i’m a stiff now. not for long as i hopelessly meander back to academia. or try.

saw t-pain a while back. she didn’t receive me quite as she did before. t.k. and i are going to friend-zone it forever. and amelie is, well, still the only person to whom i lack any demonstrable will to ignore. we in the relationship world call it, “moving on.” i can’t move on. something is ringing and bringing me home to her, and it’s not much to my liking in that it is my own struggle.

i’m being dragged kicking and screaming only because i’m too dispassionate and not enough naive to believe that a simple admission of feelings will darn our winnowed sock. and i’m too romantic to move on. someone told me to just put my nose to the grindstone and stop wasting my time. but what if ‘moving on’ turns out to be the greatest trifle of all? i’m not afraid that i will miss out or be alone–okay, yes i am–but those are tertiary fears. my greatest fear is that i will not be at the end end of the road to hand it off to the next in line. the next to carry water. to not fulfill that life mission.

too romantic. story of my life.